Motivated by Fear
I often hear that to do science one must “like it” or “have fun with it”. But I just don’t get it. I understand why doing stuff becuase of its fun is so advantageous. But, not everyone does what he/she likes. Often times people do stuff because that’s the most feasible/reliable/safest thing to do.
Recently, I’m facing some sort of a challenge in my research, which is totally expected. Doing a PhD was never supposed to be easy after all. Yet, it prevents me from swithching to projects, and it seems unsolvable (at least with my current level of knowledge). I tried learning new things to be able to solve it, but the truth is, I don’t feel any progress and the sense of stagnation is bothering me a lot lately.
I’ve become fearful. Scared of lack of productivity (over months), and questioning if research is suitable for me. I think I like doing research, but my mental energy says something else. It’s becoming harder and harder for me to approach this challenge. Every time, soon after I start, I feel exhausted.
There are two important things to note:
- Sometimes it makes sense to just pick up something else, and place the current work on hold, at some corner of your mind. A new project that is different enought and one that you know you can progress quickly. This helps.
- The “happy academics” are often professors. I have rarely seen any happy junior researcher. I don’t think having fun is the rule. Those who do have fun with research and do have the privilege to do so are lucky. But not everyone is. Not every on is happy. Some, can be motivated by fear, and I think that’s OK.